Brad Pitt Only Needs 24 Hours To Land In A New City And Score Some Drugs

 

I guess I should’ve figured that Brad Pitt wasn’t always the gently grizzled husband and father of six that I see before me today, but for some reasons it never occurred to me that he did drugs. But of course he did, because he was a rich, famous, ridiculously good-looking movie star, and when you’re that kind of person, people  just walk up to you on the street and put joints in your mouth. Or come up bowing and scraping saying, “Oh Mr. Brad Pitt sir, would you do me the honor, sir, of blowing some of this pile of fine, top-shelf cocaine? I’d be much obliged.” That’s a proven theory — just go get rich and famous and walk around Hollywood. You’ll see.
He’s done with that kind of stuff now, of course, and he’s actually come over to the other side of the argument, adjusting his views from ‘drugs are good’ to ‘drugs are bad’. He’s producing a movie right now called The House I Live In about the war on drugs, and how he believes we’re losing ground. While promoting the movie, he made the point that even though he’s been out of the drug world for some time now, he could still probably find a contact and get whatever he wanted within a day of being in a new city:

“My drug days are long since passed but it’s certainly true that I could probably land in any city in any state and get you whatever you wanted…give me twenty-four hours or so.”

It’s a scary thing that he’s probably right, but luckily Angelina Jolie and the the kids don’t need to worry about him slipping, because he’s determined to make a difference:

“We have spent a trillion dollars. It’s lasted for over 40 years. A lot of people have lost their lives for it. And yet we still talk about it like it’s this success.”

That’s all well and good, and keep fighting the good fight, Brad. I’ll just be here imagining the look on some drug dealer’s face when he shows up for a drop and it’s little old Benjamin Button on the corner, counting out his silver pieces for a dime bag.